So, I've picked a team in the Bundesliga: FC Bayern Munich
And I don't know why I have such a thing against Man U, but I do. But I don't really want Chelsea, or Arsenal. I guess Arsenal. But I guess I just can't get into Premire League. I will follow the anglophiles and the Bundesliga players transferred to the Premire League, though.
And Ajax. I'm ALL about Ajax.

I want to have Miroslav Klose's children

GERMANY WINS! GERMANY WINS!


GERMANY WINS ON PENALTY KICKS BECAUSE LEHMANN WINS AT LIFE!
And because Argentina didn't respect Miro's authority, and that will not be tolerated.

this is a video-heavy post, but I CANNOT RESIST

This is me in total love.
Johnny Heitinga is taken down and hurt by a tackle from a Portugese player, and his boyfriend Wesley Sneijder gets jealous and avenges him:

Podolski and Schweinsteiger are best friend love!

If they came into a bar and did this, I would not throw them out. I would offer them money and sexual favors to stay and keep playing.

Cristiano Ronaldo: not just hot, but he has AMAZING skills. I was in total awe of this kid.

Demonstration of those amazing skills.

OMG, you know that picture of those players, and one is kissing the other's neck? That's Johnny Heitinga and Wesley Sneijder, proving they are boyfriends. This is the video of Heitinga's goal.

That's the great thing: We've got artichokes. What kind?

There are things in life you look forward to
There are things you can't wait to see.
One such thing was the Agentina/Holland game
So I watched it on German TV.

People say that was like watching paint dry,
When describing things that were a bore.
Well this game was like watching paint already dry
In the hope it might dry a bit more.

I could not understand what was being said,
The players seemed to be lazing about,
It was like watching live Big Brother
When they've blocked the speaking bits out.
My mind began to wonder,
Sol Maridonna was at the ground.
Did he buy that Argentina shirt
Or have an old one just lying around?

Rudd van Nielselroy's hair looked terrible,
Maybe him some shampoo I will send.
This season he's had so much hair dryer treatment
That it's given him split-ends.

Felt sure Holland would play Arjen Robben
But they couldn't have been less keener.
Think they've started to question his loyalty
Since they found out his middle name was Tina.
(Like Argentina...)

After what seemed like a lifetime
Of course the game ended up drawn.
I wished I had stayed in my hotel
And watched 90 minutes of porn.

At least then I would have seen some foreign people,
Sweating and straining like hell.
FIFA's seeding system has worked this year
But it's worked too bloody well.

Go and listen to Baddiel & Skinner's World Cup Podcast. It is the holy grail of podcasts.

football is so gay it defies description

(taken from opengoal.tv I think)

And what would a post be without a shout-out to the Dutch?


And of course, to the forbidden but still adorable love of Schweiniski:
(click to enlarge.... tee hee)

God was just showing off when he made the Dutch

Someone just described John Heitinga as "a scrawny ugly Dutch player." Like scrawny and ugly were okay, but "Dutch" finally pushed her over the edge.



By the way, this is John Heitinga:

this is what you learn from listening to podcasts

Apparently in Germany it is completely acceptable to be naked in public at all times, if you are on the correct side of the river.

Hey, I don't make the rules.

I have a bit to post about Germany v Sweden, but to summarize KLOSE PASSES TO PODOLSKI...PODOLSKI SCORES! (you've now just seen the first half)

this is why soccer is amazing

"It's going to be James Garner against Germany in the final round."

The USA was eliminated yesterday by Ghana. Take a moment and let that sink in...


Okay. Enough of that. Now that the inevitable has happened, we can focus on the Dutch. (Well, okay, a little more about the Americans.) For the US to stay in the Cup, the Americans had to beat Ghana, and Italy had to beat the Czechs. One of these two things happened. Italy shut out the Czechs 2-0, but the US couldn't hold up our part of the bargain and we lost 2-1.

So with the knowledge that most of my country still didn't know that we were even in a tournament, I tuned over to the last minutes of Netherlands v Argentina. I would have watched the whole thing, but other people in my household do not understand the importance of soccer to my pathetic life and I was doing errands for injured people. Anyway, turns out I didn't have to watch the whole thing, because the last 15 minutes diagrammed the other 75 in that nothing happened. Just a scrabble at midfield. Except the Dutch kept bunching and the Argentinians had multiple chances to score and fucked it up. A commentator described it as staring at already dry paint in the hopes it would dry a little more.

Brazil powered over Japan 4-1. Is anyone surprised? No. It will be Brazil v Germany, final round.

Croatia and Australia tied. I think this means that Australia advances. I can't say much about this match because I can't watch them all. So imagine the excitement of another tie.

Right now, Ukraine is beating Tunisia 1-0 and Spain is beating Saudi Arabia 1-0.
Switzerland v Korea and Togo v France has not started yet.

Dutch team introduction

Time for the Dutch team, 'cause... I love them.

So, we're going to jump right in.

Wesley Sneijder:

He hurt himself early on, I'm not sure of his status.

Then there's John Heitinga: (This isn't his best picture, but alas, is the only one of him I have.)


I'm not sure who this is, because it doesn't look like any members of Holland's squad. I'd love to be enlightened, however. (Could it be the coach?)

Then there was this time that this guy scored a goal, and then this other guy came up to hug him, strictly platonic, but the first guy smelled really good, and then the other guy forgot where he was, and the first guy was still hugging him...
and then this happened.

If they have to hold down the players to wash them, then I'd like to volunteer to help restrain the athletes.

Getting wet seems to be a team thing.

Robin van Persie:
He doesn't have a reason to be upset. The Netherlands is advancing to the next round.

And I'd like to end with one of my favorite things about this team...
THE CELEBRATIONS!

first post and introduction to German national team

FIRST POST!

Watched Germany v Uraguay and as much of England v Sweden as I could before I fell asleep. I don't know why it was so much more boring than Germany/Uraguay, but... it was.

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH THE WORLD CUP: A 94-year-old German woman was declared dead by her doctor, but stunningly, she leapt up and demanded to know the latest score of the World Cup (Germany was playing). She said she would not die while soccer was going on.
Watch soccer because it keeps you alive!

I would like to now share some of the German national team.

Lukas Podolski (actually Polish, but lives in Germany)

More:
He likes Polish pop music.

Arne Freidrich
(I hear he's a bit of a whore.)

Philipp Lahm
(He's got an eyebrow thing, but apparently he's really sweet.)

Per Mertesacker

Robert Huth

I'm not 100% sure who exactly this is, but I think it's a midfielder:


They are so gay for each other: (L. Podolski and S. Schweinsteiger)

They want each other so much photography cannot capture it. I think I'm going to give them they're own post later.


(Note: I don't remember where these pictures came from, but it was a photoshoot. If you know, tell me so I can credit.)